Wednesday, February 13, 2008

Rough (morose)

i am a flippin emotional sponge.
a person i barely know,
but who's blog i read recently
lost a friend.
i'm not positive, but this person i know can't be over 30.
she is a brilliant, funny, irreverant writer and
i find myself at her writing daily.
She writes about her kids,
stupid people,
the gamut.
Recently she has been writing about a friend who died.
Her friend was a mother.
Sounds like she was funny, sharp and kind.
she was also an addict.
The person I barely know
wrote of how it was hard to see her friend
out of control.
How she longed for some way to connect, to effect, to inspire
her friend to change.
She didn't.
A week or so ago she died.
Alcohol and perscriptions.
I didn't know this woman. Why should I care?
I don't know.
maybe it's my unbearably annoying empathy
which really
cramps my fun loving style sometimes.
Thing is.
people are in pain. hurting. dying. crying. desparate. alone.
Whether they are the ones causing it, or the ones watching it.
It's going on
and it breaks my heart.
and yet, I'm perplexed.
while all of this pain and crap is going on right now...
Joy is also happening.
right now, I don't feel it, but I know somewhere... it is.
Every fucking thing possible
is happening right now.
How dizzying is that?
Just venting.
Feeling for this woman I barely know.
for the people who loved the woman I didn't know.
For all of us.
Cuz life....
its shit and pain....
despite the joys....
Will spare


keysunset said...

Maybe because, for me, life is a process and a journey, not the destination, the pain/joy of it all seems to make some sense.

Not make it easier, necessarily, to handle it sometimes. And certainly not to say that people deserve the rough spots -- the diseases and addictions and abuses - but to see dimly that that all these things are threads of our lives lived together. Together, in relationship and community. I'd rather live a life woven with love with others, than one in isolation, even if it means I care too much, too often.

Thanks for the blog.

Becky said...

Stephi would have loved this, Whitney. Thank you for your beautiful words. It's wonderful to know that other people as touched by her as I was.

I will miss her for the rest of my days.

*M* said...

that really moved me. I especially love the poignancy of the ending.

I am sorry for your friend.