Grieving

I'm grieving.
My heart is hurting.
My mind is seeking ways to find what it longs for
right now.

I look outside on a day just a skip
a pulse
away from

October.

Only to see the seething Nevada sun yet beating down on
pavement and rocks long ago
surrendered
to heat unrelenting

I reach into the air
my mind,
heart beats of anticipation
counting on memories of years upon years
expecting the cool, crisp bite of pure September
only to feel a familiar blanket of
flat
predictable heat
beckoning me with it's repulsive, overstayed flirtation

No.

I'm done.
Recoiling back into the forced, artificial cool.
June called. It wants its weather back.
Hoping to blind me with reprieve.
Soothe me with plastic, silkscreened cool laid upon
the truth of
the desert.

No.

The fabric of my youth calls for me
to return.
To grab a sweater and head out the door to
the light autumn air.
promises to whisk me beneath golden canapies
and to titilate me with the song of crunching
leaves
and the laughter of delighted children
burrowing holes in piles of crunchy gold orange yellow red.

My core pleads for days that foreshadow
the stillness of winter
and give
gift upon gift upon gift
of oranges and fading crimson
the scents of spice and pumpkin and ripe glistening apples and pears.

Perhaps like the feeling of one
imprisoned far from the land and customs and surroundings
that they love...
that make them who they are.....

My autumn heart
is jailed
in the blistering
Nevada
sun.