Messages come. Often overlooked as chaff in the wind. Unused.
I hear a message for me.
Why is it that though we may technically be adults, there are huge, viable parts of us that don't mature past the time in our lives that we were hurt. When the wound came.
I am hearing Life whisper to me that I am not 13. I am not in need. I do not need anyone to affirm who I am. I am not alone. I am not weak. I AM.
I am feeling compassion for those who seek to fill that chasm in ways that cross boundaries. Boundaries that are important and necessary because they protect others. Boundaries that keep the people we are working to help-safe in their own experiences. I have compassion for those to break those boundaries and I have anger at the same time. I have not done this, and at the same time, I hear Life whisper for me to pay attention. Fill my own chasm. Anything else is to not love.
To allow oneself to fill it with someone else's attention..... attention that is gained by being in a position of trust...... is to use the warm spirit of a cherished person for our own need, our own gain. The thought makes my soul weep. And shudder.
My hearts desire is to be in a position of trust. A place that others can come to to fall, to grow, to weep, to trust. A place where they can be safe to lose their own sense of boundary. Therefore, I will continue to work to strengthen my own fortress of integrity. It is so easy for it to become a thin veil that blends with the breeze around it... possible to ignore. I will not. I move to remember my core and to love others with a trustworthiness strong enough to handle their lack of it.
Life, Thank you for the whisper.